Illin'

I've been on a sort of forced diet since last Wednesday, when my guts refused to hold anything but the blandest foods. At least I'm not completely limited to white and beige foods, but my one adventure with a grilled cheese sandwich ended badly, and even the olive oil I seemed to tolerate on Thursday became a problem by Saturday or Sunday. So, the most adventure I can handle now is nut-free granola with rice milk. And maybe some plain yogurt.

Those of you who have met me know that losing weight is not something I need to do.

I'm finally getting to a doctor today, I hope she can do something for this. I'm starting to worry about my heart. And my brain, which has trouble thinking properly. And my stomach, which has now gotten past even trying to be hungry. I'd forgotten that this state was possible, but for all of you dieters out there, maybe it will be good news -- yes, your stomach can learn to stop asking for food, it just takes about 5 days of hunger pains to get there. My appetite was fine between Thursday and Sunday, with the exception of a sort of instinct when I seriously approached certain foods to eat them -- an instinct that said, "no, don't eat that." At the grocery store I felt like some sort of MPD or OCD or something, walking up to a food enthusiastically, reaching for it, then backing away as if realizing I was about to touch a hot stove. So, it was white rice, sometimes with fruit or vegetables cooked in with it (peas and carrots, mostly, or pear chunks at breakfast), bread, (at first with oil, then without), plain yogurt, and finally the granola.

I guess that's all I have to say about that for right now. Wish me well. I want to be well.