(no subject)

[dampscribbler]

Well, here I am, awake again.  It's been a couple of hours, already, and I'm getting past my rage at being sick again.  Maggie turns two on Tuesday, and I've been sick roughly 20 times since she was born.  There are times when the illnesses cause me to be violently depressed.  I might do myself some physical harm if not for the fact that I'm already so tired from being sick that I couldn't muster up the gumption. 

I'm now starting to wonder if this being awake in the middle of the night thing might not instead be something to take advantage of.  An acquaintance, Lise, told me shortly after Maggie was born that Barbara Kingsolver had terrible insomnia after the birth of her first child, and she wrote a novel in those dark hours.  Lise said she was jealous.  It certainly would be great to get a novel written, but not to the point of envying the insomniac.  Or maybe I just don't have my priorities straight.

I don't really have insomnia. But I am restless, in addition to being occasionally sleepless.  I'm trying to figure out how to work certain activities -- writing, exercise, socializing -- back into my life.  I itch for them.  I'm losing patience with the litany of excuses I've accumulated over the years.  I'm purging stuff -- getting rid of old clothes last week, looking forward to getting rid of old books and papers this week.  They're in my way, I can't work around them any longer and I don't want to work with them.  All these years I kept stuff because I might someday want it.  I don't want it.  My desires are more basic than rooting around in old notebooks for a pithy line of text from high school.  I want food, sleep, time to write, and friends back in my life.  And despite currently sitting here sleepless with a sinus headache, I'm actually feeling more optimistic than I have in a long time about finally regaining some of that stuff. 

I'm also feeling a little more optimistic about achieving sleep when I do go back to bed.  Which will be soon.

Comments

[lucyshoe.livejournal.com]

Sweet dreams! I hate sleeplessness - all that time you could be doing something useful and no wherewithal to do any of it.

[dampscribbler.livejournal.com]

Ain't that the truth. At times in the past I've been able to put myself to sleep by vividly imagining myself doing something on my mind. Like washing the floor, for instance. If I can vividly imagine filling the bucket, wringing the rag, swiping the floor, and not start feeling tired enough to roll over and go to sleep, well, then I get up and go wash the floor. But this was different. It's more just like "I'm awake, I can't do anything, but I also can't get tired enough to sleep for a while." Thank dog for the Intarweb!

[lkmadigan.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're sick again!

[dampscribbler.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It's frustrating, but at least I seem to be holding up okay this time. Maybe I'll get over it quickly.

[alikander.livejournal.com]

Ugh! Even though that whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" thing turned out to be a crock (which itself was not a surprise), I hate, hate missing out on middle of the night sleep when the wee is having a rare long stretch of sleep. Feh.

We just purged a bunch of might-use-it-someday stuff, too. Alas, I fear we are on the brink of accruing kid crud to replace it. (Wagon. Rody. Do we need a trike?...)

[dampscribbler.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, the kid crud takes over, bigtime. I didn't mind it at first, but now I'm finding that some of the kid crud is already becoming obsolete after just months. What to do with it? Keep it in case someone leaves another baby on our doorstep? I'm not quite ready to part with it, not excited about keeping it. Another decision deferred....

I'm haven't yet caught up on your LJ ... how old is Fi? How is the sleep thing going? Maggie's been sleeping through the night for quite some time now, with some exceptions of course. These days if I'm awake in the wee hours it's usually my own fault. :)

The icon is her almost a year ago. I need to make a new icon!

[alikander.livejournal.com]

Fiona is 18 mos today! Hurrah! (There are a bazillion grand-parent-pleasing photos of her on our website.)

I was able to donate a bunch of baby gear to a women's shelter, but the toys are another matter. We don't know any younger babies who aren't also younger siblings (meaning the family is already well supplied with toys). A few I can donate to her daycare, but when I prune her stuffed animals, they may have to go to the curb. Oh, cruel, cruel adult!!

The sleep thing is getting better. She was down to one night waking at the beginning of July, but then some upheaval in her life (moving to a new room at daycare, moving to a new apartment, going to visit grandma far away) plus a nasty ear infection had her all messed up. Just this past week she's gotten back to the once-per-night waking. Thank heavens!

We still BF, but it's only at bedtime and whenever she wakes in the night now. Until June or so she also nursed first thing in the morning and as soon as I picked her up from daycare.

[dampscribbler.livejournal.com]

Oops, just saw this, finally! Belated Happy half-birthday to Fi! I'll get to those photos soon. I've got a half-day break from visiting relatives so I'm trying to catch up on a lot of work (of course, the first step to doing that is catching up on LJ!)

I finally had to start telling Maggie "no nursing, just snuggles" in the middle of the night. After three or four nights, she stopped waking up. We still nurse night and morning now but the weaning begins next week after all the relatives have gone back home. It's just time!!